Wholphin

January 28, 2008

The Telegraph reports, “He is a true Hollywood star, plucked from obscurity to play a leading role in a series of hit films before overcoming an addiction to alcohol and cigars. Now, Cheeta the Chimp who is 75 and is listed in the Guinness World Records as the oldest living non-human primate, is to publish his memoirs.

The chimpanzee, who lives in California and whose real name is Jiggs, has been approached by the publisher Fourth Estate. He has also taken on a literary agent and is working with a ghostwriter on a “funny, moving and searingly honest” autobiography. Cheeta, who starred in 12 Tarzan films, retired from the big screen in the 1967. Me Cheeta will be published in October.”

An excerpt from the Stanford Daily, where Loren Newman gives some helpful tips on how to win “The Crying Game.”

“…For example, a strategy of visual people is to throw their hands over their eyes and rock back and forth, retreating into the gloomiest recesses of their minds. Some will also moan slightly. Store this in appropriate ridicule banks for later use. These people, when fully drawn into that inner unhappy place, conjure up obscure, heartbreaking images of historical tragedies, visions of family members meeting various and unpleasant ends, as well as worst-case scenarios involving gin, tai chi and more than a few surgical clamps.

Still others will open their eyes as wide as possible and hope that not blinking will do the trick. This is an amateur mistake, although it is particularly haunting to look into someone’s eyes as they plumb the depths of their emotionally constipated souls for anything sad enough to push them over the edge. These are the same people who are also pinching themselves under the table.

A few players will claim that in the build up to an actual round they came fairly close to breaking down, but once the pressure was on, all teary tendencies went MIA. This is fairly common, especially because few people realize how hard it is to jump over that boo-hoo barrier on purpose.”

You can read the full article here.