If you agree that watching two World Champion Rubix Cube players demonstrate their skills is a good use of time, click here. Dan Dzoan and Ryan Zheng, the stars of “Piece by Piece” (to be released on Wholphin #5) gave our LA screening an air of technical proficiency we are not likely to see again.

San Franciscans: Jessica Yu’s new film, The Protagonist, will be opening at the Kabuki Theatre on Friday, December 14th and like Sour Death Ball’s before it, the film observes people squirming in truly uncomfortable situations, except this time instead of a painfully sour attack on the salivary glands, it’s men falling victim to Euripidian extremism. And yes, there is a tragic puppet chorus.

protagonistthemovie.com.

Live in Austin?? Lucky.

The bad news first: Cinematexas, the long-running, great underground film festival lost its funding from certain institutions and is over. Annually providing the best, brightest and cutting-edgest short (and occasional feature) films, CNTX was an exciting long weekend of political hotbeds, avant-garde works, underground sludge and music films that traversed all of those worlds. It also programmed for the community – programs and a competition for Univ of Texas student films, and various childrens’ shows.

The good news: The fest is having a going away show this weekend, the Cinematexas Viking Funeral.

On Saturday, December 1st there are three free shows:

RAGNA-ROCK. One of two compilations of new work by esteemed Cinematexas alumni like James Fotopoulos, Ben Coonley, Daniel Cockburn, Stephanie Gray, etc.)

UT HOLLYWOOD SHOWCASE. A local screening of this year’s best UT-produced student films, which screened at the DGA Theater in LA in September.

ASSASSINS: A FILM CONCERNING RIMBAUD. An early experiment by Todd Haynes and an clear precursor to his new Dylan non-biopic I’M NOT THERE. This film is rare!

Then on Sunday, December 2nd:

RAGNA-ROLL: More madness from Cinematexas chums. One of these two programs will have videos from the incomparable, one-man-band Laz Rojas.

INTERKOSMOS. A delightfully tongue-in-cheek homage to a fictional East German space project, Jim Finn’s INTERKOSMOS uses recreated newsreels combined with musical interludes to resurrect the ’70s in all its Brezhnev-era glory.

And two incomparable greats: FROWNLAND, the uber indie film from Ronnie Bronstein, led by the new short by Don Hertzfeldt, EVERYTHING WILL BE OK. This single show is so great its already sold out. But try to catch everything else you can. Criminy, its free and hard-to-find films…. Viva Cinematexas.

http://www.austinfilm.org/film/cinematexas-viking-funeral-frownland

The Silent Movie Theatre in Los Angeles is reopening – with new sound and style. The SMT is old but the inside is amazing, and now sound films are running with the silents. Grand re-opening is tomorrow, 10/25, with a solid Halloween lineup.

A lot of great old stuff will be showing there, but in December there is a series of new indies: “The New Naturalists”, featuring The Puffy Chair, Mutual Appreciation, Old Joy, Apart from That and Frownland. Check out all their great lineups on their website. Official press release here:

Hadrian Belove of Cinefile Video, Sammy Harkham of Family Books and Dan Harkham of the Silent Movie Theatre have teamed up to launch The Cinefamily, a new venue for revival programming– from foreign to independent, from classical to cutting edge, from silent film to live music, and from exploitation to experimental. Our home is the world famous Silent Movie Theatre on Fairfax. The theater will reopen on October 25th with a bigger screen, more comfortable seating (including plush, leather sofas), and state-of-the-art projection and sound. The Cinefamily is committed to the presentation of silent films with live musical accompaniment, while expanding our calendar to embrace all forms of cinematic experience. There will be an adventurous program of regularly-scheduled events devoted to specific genres and audiences including:

Silent Movies w/ live musical accompaniment- Every Wednesday Night
Musicals, Concert Films & Special Music Events- Every Thursday Night.
Mini-Festivals- Every Friday and Saturday
Holy F*cking Sh*t (Incredibly Strange Cinema)- Every Saturday Late Night
Noir Matinees- Every Sunday afternoon
Asian Cinema Night- Every Sunday evening
Experimental Cinema- Monthly
Movie/Movie-Notable people present their favorite movies- Monthly
Short Films before features
Oodles of Special Events- Ongoing

What is The Cinefamily?

The Cinefamily is an organization of movie lovers devoted to finding and presenting interesting and unusual programs of exceptional, distinctive, weird and wonderful films. The Cinefamily’s goal is to foster a spirit of community and a sense of discovery, while reinvigorating the movie-going experience. Like campfires, sporting events and church services, we believe that movies work best as social experiences. They are more meaningful, funnier and scarier when shared with others. Our home is the Silent Movie Theatre, one of Hollywood’s most beloved and beautiful cultural landmarks. There, The Cinefamily will provide a destination spot for Los Angelenos and others to rediscover the pleasures of cinema.

http://www.silentmovietheatre.com/

Tuesday, July 31 at Mezzanine
Doors open at 7
Free drinks

Join us as the San Francisco Film Society’s 360 Film Club presents Wholphin. We will be screening a selection of films from the latest issue of Wholphin. The doors open at 7pm and the 90-minute program starts at 7:30pm. The screening will include a documentary about a heavy metal band of Scottish pre-teens trying to rebel again their overly-supportive parents and a world that thinks they’re cute; an excerpt from a terrifying documentary that follows Steve Kurtz, an artist and professor, whose artwork has led to FBI charges of bioterrorism; a film that features real-life couple Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard in roles that Gyllenhaal has described as “pretty horrible, to be honest. [Peter] was playing a big jerk and it was hard for me to be around him all day long;” as well as an Academy Award nominated short and a mind-melting look at Las Vegas. Stick around after the screening and visit the displays of disturbing bacteriaphage, strange creatures from the deep and drunk bees.

If you’d like to reserve a ticket, please email info@sf360.org with WHOLPHIN in the subject and your name/affiliation in the body. Or just show up! Tickets are $5 if you reserve ahead of time and $8 at the door.

Mezzanine
444 Jesse St. (between Mission, Market, 5th and 6th)
San Francisco, CA
$5, Free Gin

Unseen? Yep. Films? Pretty sure. Totally freakin’ awesome? I’d put a dime down on it! Venture, scouts:

Cabinetic Presents:
Further Treasures from the Cabinet of Curiosities
(1927-2007, approx. 85min., 16mm & digital video)
Wednesday, July 25th, 7:30pm
$8 Regular / $6 Students, Seniors & YBCA members

Join curator Jonathan Marlow as he ventures back from the basement of the Cabinetic archives with another stack of little-seen classics. For one night only, he’ll share these amazing discoveries with the thrillseekers of San Francisco. Expect rarities and other assorted oddities from Stephen & Timothy Quay, Ladislas Starevitch, Jan Svankmajer, Jiri Barta, Tezuka Osamu and other renowned filmmakers

Brent Hoff, leader, strongman, weakboy, is in Australia sharing our delicacies with the Revelation Film Festival. He telegraphs:

What’s worse than 18 hours on a plane sitting in front of a hacking old lady with smelly feet? Having the first thing you see upon disembarking that tuberculosis incubator be Dr. Phil’s pharisaical face staring down at you from the Goddamn airport TV. I don’t know who should apologize to whom, me for our nation’s distasteful invasion of their airwaves, or them for celebrating America’s most shameful example of hypocritical paternalism. Well one of them anyway… Anyway, since then things have been pure filth. That means good in Perthian. Ivan the Perthian told me so.

Ivan does not call himself a Perthian, but he does have VHS footage of a vintage AC/DC concert where Angus spins in circles on the ground during a solo and hates it when people talk about Perth as being the “most isolated city in the world.” Ivan works at the Revelation Film Festival in Perth Australia where Wholphin is premiering films this week. It’s gonna be filthy.

Here’s the schedule:

Shorts Program 1
Rev Club at The Bakery/Artrage Complex - Friday 13 July 7:30pm

Wholphin Program II - intro/Q&A by Brent Hoff
Luna Leederville - Sunday 15 July 5pm

Wholphin Program III – intro/Q&A by Brent Hoff
Luna on SX - Monday 16 July 9pm

After several years (timecube time) of deliberation, the Giraffe Drawing Contest comes to a close. I didn’t want to shame my comrade Emily, but there is no denying the sweet, juicy glory of the winner: Jason Polan’s response giraffe. The thing is freakin’ life sized, people.

Honorable mentions, however, go to the following, who will also receive prizes to be determined:

Josh Lagle

Nicole Miazgowicz

Do not feel so terrible for the people who did not win, because they, too, get a prize! Communism? Possibly. Anti-climactic denouement for such an epic event? Probably. Totally sweet, anyway? YES. Everyone else will get an original giraffe drawing from the prince himself: Jason Polan!

For those who missed out, we do have a home version of our game available: draw a giraffe, send it to yourself in the mail and grade it (be honest, please).

Wholphin was at the Taipei Urban Nomad Film Festival last week. I think someone said we were “kind of like a muffin.”

If you happen to be near Basel Switzerland next week around the 11th, stop by the First SCOPE Contemporary Art Fair where we hope to again be that.

Thursday March 1st, 7:00 PM
A NIGHT OF INSTANT CALM
Presented by FREEDM @ Noise Pop, in conjunction with McSweeney’s and Wholphin.
Mezzanine - $5
Click here for a map
and here for more info.

Join us at Mezzanine for an evening of short films, readings, and foofaraw. First, vital and hygienic presentations, often with accompanying slideshows, from a few of McSweeney’s best: Evany Thomas, Salvador Plascencia, Gary Rudoren, Eric Hoffman, and Wells Tower. Hearts will break and then heal themselves, stronger than ever.

Then, nestle deeper in your inflatable armchairs for a selection of Wholphin’s most musical shorts. Films will include, but not be limited to the world’s most illegal game of Volleyball, scored by Aesop Rock; Morocco’s first heavy metal drummer; a video of an Orca shot by the band Islands, Russian animation rescored by Xiu Xiu, and more.

RSVP to freedmreading@noisepop.com to reserve a spot!

MOE’S BOOKSTORE Presents WHOLPHIN DVD
Wednesday, January 31, 7:30pm
2476 Telegraph Ave. Berkeley, CA
Click here for a map

We will be screening a selection of films from the past three issues of Wholphin, as well as something new from the upcoming #4.

Starts at 7:30pm. Free, plus pizza for the taking.

For a few hours on Tuesday night, Club Mezzanine became the material manifestation of my own personal Shangri-La. I of course refer not to James Hilton’s mythical place, where lazy people drank honey dew all day, but to the much more productive Ticonderoga-class aircraft carrier, the USS Shangri-La, commissioned by President Roosevelt in 1944. The place was in full force is what I’m saying. In one corner, our friend Dr. Steve Haddock from the Monterey Bay Research Institute displayed mind-melting new creatures from the deep, like this living amoeba made of glass called a Radiolari –

– and squirted people with his bioluminescent squirt gun –

– and impressed us all with his ability to bridge the gap between science and party. In another corner, a high-speed camera shot 1,000 frames a second to capture the world’s fastest tongue in a raspberry contest that was as popular as it was childish (at the movies, you see 24 frames a second). The winners will be posted soon, but until then here’s a sample of the current contenders:

Jeff B.

Colin D.

David, our webmaster…

…here’s my attempt…

…and Emily’s, on the same camera model, but black and white and four times slower. It was a crowd favorite.

On top of all that, Brian Fischer from Cal Academy brought over a small colony of gravity-defying trap-jaw ants. As owners of Wholphin No. 3 know, these ants are the new world-record holder for fastest predatory strike in the animal kingdom. In other words, sexy. Here’s an excerpt:

But the main event of the night was a showing of a selection of films from all three issues of Wholphin, people cheered after Walleyball; and I got a little teary.

Fun night. We’ll post some pictures soon.

SF360 FILM/CLUB Presents WHOLPHIN DVD
Tuesday, January 16, 7pm
Mezzanine, 444 Jesse St. San Francisco

Join us as the San Francisco Film Society’s 360 Film Club presents Wholphin. The night will include a selection of the latest Wholphin films with introductions by the directors themselves. An instructional demonstration of the proper use of a “pooter” (human appendage for transformation into an anteater) by mymecologist, Brian Fisher. A show-and-tell session with marine biologist, Steven Haddock, and special guest, the manta ray. A camera that will capture your tongue wagging at the disturbingly revealing rate of 3000 frames per second. A select screening of never-before-seen films from the Wholphin archive. Free beer, and more.

If you’d like to reserve a ticket, please email info@sf360.org by noon on 1/16 with WHOLPHIN in the subject and your name/affiliation in the body. Or just show up! Tickets are $5.

Mezzanine
Tuesday, January 16, 7pm
444 Jesse St. (between Mission, Market, 5th and 6th)
San Francisco, CA
Click here for map
$5, Free Beer